I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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