Apparently you make a good broom.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
