Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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