RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
