beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Green mimosas i think yes
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
