She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
