My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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