Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
