Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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