I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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