I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All the doctor said was why
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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