I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
