and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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