It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
