There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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