I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
