brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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