I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
