I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
