who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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