you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
