I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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