his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
