at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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