I checked into jail on foursquare
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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