Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
