So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
