It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
