Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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