Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
