My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
