White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
