dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Enjoy the penises
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
