i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
