she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
