true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you didnt know i had herpes?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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