Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
