his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
