Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
