dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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