Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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