the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
