you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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