my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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