i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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