she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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