Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
