You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So much rum. So many feels.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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