She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
