Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
