Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
