I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
