Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We left an ass print on the piano.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
