so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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