so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
