I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
