she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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