I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
