Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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