We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
