Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
