she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
