This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
