I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
