Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
