I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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